Here I am, sitting at a breakfast place by myself. Enjoying HOT coffee and a very cheery waiter. I took a mental health day. I’m off from work and little bear is at the sitters. This is something I haven’t done since he was born.
Although that’s not the best day…. I know. Right? Yesterday was the best day. That’s right folks, day lights savings and a parade. Somehow we were so lucky that little bear slept late, was happy, we decided to press our luck and go to the St. Patrick’s Day parade. After all it was going to be right in the middle of nap time. But because of the time change I wasn’t sure what time that would be. We met up with friends, and my son was an ANGEL. No fussing, no crying, not moving from his seat. He was so entertained by the bustling resturant and then when we went outside for the parade he loved every min of it. He wasn’t even afraid of the fire trucks. Also someone gave him a balloon which was his new best friend.
My friends little girl however, she was melt down city. My, “oh my daughter never acts up or does that” friend. The one who says her daughter is a model kid every day of her life. (Silent smirk of validation)
When we got home little bear wouldn’t sleep. He was so hyped from the trucks and mummers he couldn’t possibly sleep. He kept telling us all about the parade. Running over “biiig beep beeps!” While my husband and I were waiting for the other shoe to drop….. it didn’t. My love stayed bright and happy and shiny right up until bed time. Then at 7pm, on the dot he kissed my husband and I took him up to bed. Not a peep, no fussing, crying, or waking in the night. It was the BEST DAY. I don’t know what we did to deserve this but I am beyond greatful we got to spend a memorable day as a family. It’s one of the best days we have had as a family.
Now I will eat my pancakes….. hot and alone.
Let’s talk about Mom isolation. Some women have it and some are lucky enough to have a big group of mom and non-mom friends. Some (like me) had a big group of friends, the single/ newly married/ barely has our s*it together and expendable income group. Then as our lives progressed some people made it and some didn’t. My best friend of 17 years went off the reservation. She was having issues in her marriage and it turns out that misery hates happy people. She turned on me, she said some very nasty things about me to others and basically it boiled down to she didn’t think I deserved to be happy when her marriage was falling apart. I decided to walk away from a relationship that was a major part of my life. I had known her for more than half of my lifetime, she was the reason I was happily married and getting ready to start a family. But sometimes people are toxic, your best people are going through things and will drag you down and watch you burn to make themselves feel better. I learned to accept her for who she was but couldn’t accept her inability to be happy for me. I would have supported her no matter what and kept all of her dirty little secrets had she just supported me. So, I walked away….
When I chose myself, my own marriage,and my own happiness I lost my group. Now looking back I realize that they weren’t great friends to begin with if they were so easily removed from my life without so much as a phone call but still I found myself alone. Happy with my husband and life and it was freeing.
Once I had my little bear I realized how much I missed having friends. I don’t know too many people with children, so I don’t have a great mom support group. The friends I do have are single/ married/ still get to go to happy hour friends and I love them but I rarely can relate to their lives or see them unless I move mountains. So while I know I have people, I miss having my person. As Moms (and Dads) we put everyone and everything first. Not having a support system makes things that much harder.
What to do? I have decided that I will not seek a friend, or try and replace the relationship I had. What I will do is seek a group of people. Maybe take a class, join a social group, or put myself out on a social platform and start my own excursions. I’ll find the people who are feeling the same way, a different way, or just looking to branch out and we will feel united and not so alone.