We are currently going through the 18 month sleep regression. I’m thrown into flashbacks of newbornness… newbornhood…. the 7th circle of hell. The time when I was trying to recover from delivering a 9lb., no sleep, poop machine. Trying to breastfeed every 40 min because he was insatiable. High energy, high needs, trying to get a grip on my hormones, and my body.
You feel like a failure, every min. of every day. Nothing feels right.
You aren’t overwhelmed with joy, everyone said you would be…. where is the joy?
Maybe you’re alone, or maybe your husband has escaped for the 10th time today to the store because he can’t cope with the crying. You or the baby.
I see you, I’ve been there. You feel hopeless, hoping you will feel something, hoping that all of a sudden the new baby you waited so long for will connect with you.
Maybe you have no support system, maybe you can’t bring yourself to say the words out loud to someone. I’m here, and I see you.
I’ve been the mom wondering if they made a horrible mistake, if I was going to ruin a perfectly good human being. I cried, the baby cried, and I cried some more.
Being scared that something is wrong with my baby, there must be something wrong for him to be so miserable all of the time. But the Dr. just looked at me and said “you had a baby what do you expect”
I was on the verge of PPD, so close to not being able to get out of bed, not move, not feel any affection toward my new perfect little boy. No one understood, my mother said “he must be autistic or something I’ve never seen a new born act like this”. Thanks for that mom.
My neighbor told me about how she and her daughter didn’t connect right away. She struggled with what she thought motherhood should look like and what they actually had. When she shared that small tidbit with me I felt a weight come off my shoulders. There was nothing wrong with my baby. He wasn’t autistic (and even if he was we would still love him to pieces) I tried to remember that phases come and go and eventually this too would pass. And it did, life gets better and you will bond, you will grow together. Things get easier, and then harder again, and then easier. So, being in the middle of the 18 month sleep regression I’m not as reactive, I remember the dark days, the hardest days and remember that we will get through this. All together, as a family.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone about PPD, or if you feel like you might need to speak with someone because you’re scared of the place you’re in mentally or physically do it. Get the support, don’t wait, phone a friend, talk to a neighbor, priest, lady at the supermarket. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, you should never feel alone. http://www.postpartum.net/